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It is common for people to look for romantic partners who have the same interests as them – but for a relationship to work, the values you were raised on matter more, says Lunch Actually’s Violet Lim.
Be inspired by the person behind the personality on "A Letter to Myself", as newsmakers, thought leaders, and everyday people reveal the most valuable lessons they've learned through life.
For those who have found their forever partners by swiping right, there are many more for whom dating apps can be a source of great frustration and disappointment.
In this episode of A Letter to Myself, co-founder of the matchmaking agency Lunch Actually, Violet Lim, tells Joel Chua how she built her company despite online competitors, what she learnt about love and the reasons why people don't get a second date.
Excerpts from the conversation with Joel Chua:
On what makes two people a good and healthy couple:
"When we first started, I think we were grappling around with it. And sometimes, people (would) come to us, they (would) be like: 'Oh, I love to play golf, so I must have someone who plays golf as well.'
But what we have realised after being in this business for such a long time, what is most important is to find someone that has similar values and similar life objectives as you.
I think with interests, I always tell them … (that) if you like scuba diving and the other person doesn't like it, it's okay. He or she can just wait for you on the boat and do some yoga or just read a book or things like that. So it's not so much about similar interests.
On why lunchtime dating works in Singapore:
"Even though my colleagues (worked) really long hours – I used to joke (that) they are like vampires, because they go into the office before the sunrise, and then they leave after the sun has set – (I realised) that they usually (did) not miss their lunch hour, because it's kind of like in between, it's a good time to take a break.
So I was just thinking, instead of just meeting up with people whom you already know, like your friends, your colleagues, your lunch kakis, why not just take one hour a week, or even one hour a month to just meet someone that you have never met before, and who knows, something might come out of it?"
A young Violet Lim. (Photo: Violet Lim)
On why she left a career in banking behind:
"Even though I (had) worked so hard in my life to get to that corporate job that I thought I always wanted … after having worked there for a while, I realised that I'm not really cut out to be an employee.
I remember sitting down in my cubicle and then looking at my big boss in her beautiful glass office, and I was just thinking to myself, I didn't want to do what (she was) doing in 10 years' time.
And I think that, to me, was really that realisation that maybe I should just strike out and kind of do something on my own."
Violet Lim with her husband Jamie Lee. The couple founded Lunch Actually in 2004. (Photo: Violet Lim)
On how dating apps have affected her business:
"When dating apps first came into the market, I think a lot of people were asking me, 'How are you guys going to still be relevant?' And, of course, truthfully, that's also a question that we ask ourselves.
With dating apps, it's just so easy. People can just be dating anywhere, anytime, and how are we going to compete with that?
But very interestingly, dating apps did not really become a direct competitor to us. In fact … dating apps have become kind of like an enabler for our business. (There is less stigma to finding a date using apps) and despite there being so many apps – of course, there are people who have succeeded, they have met their lifelong partners – there are also many people who have not succeeded as well.
I think with dating apps, like, when you first start, it's really fun ...
And … then it kind of become like a chore.
I think where we really come in is that we have that personalised approach. And I think one thing dating apps cannot offer is … feedback."
On love:
"I always say to people: 'In a marriage or in a relationship, love is not a feeling.' I think because a lot of people, they feel that love is a feeling. It's like: 'Oh, I feel I love this person.'
(This interview was first broadcast on Nov 10, 2024.)
Listen to the conversation with Violet on A Letter to Myself. This podcast, hosted by Joel Chua, features people with remarkable life lessons to share and airs every weeknight on CNA938.
If you know someone with an inspiring story, write to cnapodcasts [at] mediacorp.com.sg.
Follow A Letter to Myself on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
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